Remember all those reports that Evan Tanner was going to fight Dean Lister in the UFC on Dec. 29? Yeah, well, after reading his latest web site entry from a few days ago I kind of feel like it might not happen…
I haven’t written in so long I’m not sure where to start. My stay in Oceanside has been one big misadventure. It’s beautiful here. I have met some of the best people, but it is not my place for now. I’ve done nothing but get into trouble. I quit drinking for a while. I was doing so well. I thought I was in control of that vice. I went out with some friends and decided to have a beer. It’s been downhill since. I’m drained of money. My friends are worn out with me. I’ve gotten tickets. I’ve spent thousands on the boat. I’ve been in fights, accidentally pushed police officers. I’ve met beautiful women and hurt their feelings, I sailed out on the ocean, I sank a boat, and I got into a fight with the woman who has been my best friend. She is losing faith in me. I hope we will find our peace soon. …
I’ve been on the road for almost two years. I’m tired. I’m tired of drinking, I’m tired of living out of bags, I’m tired of not feeling home. And where is home? I imagine being in the gym again. I imagine stepping into the Octagon again, and in some strange way, those thoughts bring me comfort. That is my home. I know it’s time to come home.
I have not been training at all, despite what the rumors say. I’ve signed no fights. I’m so far gone, living on the road, drinking myself into oblivion, that in moments of weakness, I wonder if I can make it back. It’s going to be a long road. I started drinking heavily, long before fighting was even a thought in my head. There was a definite reason I began. There was a method to my madness with good purpose. I’ll tell that story later.
I never wanted to be a fighter. I never dreamed of it. Those I most respected were men of peace. Despite what the general public thinks, I don’t train full time or year round. I never have. Throughout my career, if you wish to call it that, I have been a heavy drinker. I’ve only trained for a month or two at a time when I sign a fight. Sometimes I’ve put down the alcohol, sometimes I haven’t. I think the fights where I haven’t are obvious.
I keep having this idea of what I could do, what I could be if I put put the vices aside and dedicated myself to the sport. I’ve been obsessed with the idea lately. It’s funny. A friend told me I was doing Wing Chun in my sleep, lying there, working techniques. The next night I was throwing elbows and knees. I take it as a sign.
All that has been on my mind is getting back in the gym. As soon as I can take care of the boat, that is where I will be.
Just to give you a heads up, I edited out a paragraph or two. Tanner has also posted a few entries since this one.
I look at a guy like Jon Murphy from EliteXC and Extreme Challenge and how he got his life together. You wish someone like him could reach out to Tanner and help the guy. But it doesn’t work that way. Evan is a 36-year old man and I’m sure plenty of people have reached out to him. In the end, when it comes to the stuff he’s going through, you have to want to get help. You have to do it yourself. No one can do it for you. People try to intervene with Britney Spears all the time and they wonder why she just doesn’t get help. It’s because she’s not ready to give up the lifestyle.
I better stop before someone rips me for talking about things unrelated to MMA because I’ll “miss the mark” and I’m just “not capable” of addressing social issues.
Man, what I wouldn’t give to have Evan’s fighting abilities.