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Top 10 Reasons Rio Heroes 11 Sucked

I took the time to see what all the hype was about last night. Rio Heroes had been advertising the piss out of their Rio Heroes 11: Super Lightweight Championship event. Needless to say, if you watched it, the entire event was a bust. Let me make a disclaimer, however, that vale tudo and NHB fighting are really not my thing. I like the sport much more the way it is now than it was back then. Just lettin’ ya know.

Throughout the broadcast they kept mentioning that they read the blogs and forums and that we should take it easy on them because of all the difficulties. Sorry, Rio Heroes, taking it easy on idiots is not in my repertoire.

Here’s my Top 10 reasons that Rio Heroes Sucked:

10. When your site runs perfectly until the moment your event is supposed to air and then crashes completely when the event is supposed to start, it’s time to rethink your strategy.

9. The fights were supposed to start at 7. Then 8. Then…ASAP. What the fuck?

8. The announcer, who is clearly coked out of his mind, comes on to tell us that due to their servers crashing they can’t do a regular broadcast. But instead of canceling it altogether, they said we’ll do it anyways. With one microphone and one camera. Great. Just great.

7. The one camera? It’s stationary. There’s fuckers sitting right next to the cage and they won’t move so the cameraman can get around to catch the action. If I was the promoter of this thing, I would have had everyone who was all up on the cage moving their asses back so my one camera can get the action. Great work, Rio!

6. They advertise this crap as “real vale tudo” when in fact it’s not that at all. Well, okay it sort of is. No gloves. No time limits. No holds barred. But standups? Give me a break. And bad standups too. Not like they’re laying on each other for 20 minutes. They were worse than some Herb Dean Cro Cop/Gonzaga BS.

5. The ring girl looks like somebody’s sister. And not in a good way.

4.5. The after fight interview guy, after every interview, goes “Let’s take it back to the control room!” What control room? There’s a single camera and a single mic. This does not constitute a fucking control room.

4. The cokehead who is announcing this garbage continually reminds us that the broadcast will be better next time and that they will have “instant replay.” Yeah fuckin’ right. For me there won’t be a next time.

3. Can you please get a full cage? One wall, three cage sides, and some matting is pretty lame.

2. At one point it looked like the lights dimmed in the “venue,” a.k.a garage. Someone forget to pay the electric bill at Rio Heroes?

1. They constantly reminded us that “these fighters could be fighting anywhere.” Yeah. Anywhere in the street.

PORRADA!

19 COMMENTS
  • Popetastic says:

    Haha… It’s a shame that the huge Rio Heroes ads are almost ubiquitous on MMA web sites.

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  • D says:

    NHB and Vale Tudo should be relegated to the streets and the history books. MMA in its current form is the present and future of the sport.

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  • Ya, the event was pretty awful. Any fighting event that takes place on the same site that features “girls and guns” automatically loses 25 credibility points.

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  • jjdnb says:

    any fight is better then no fight. What, you rather be watching some hilariously witty comedy on the Fox network?

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  • screwface says:

    adam i dig ur style, keep it up, no holds barred with you :p musta been worse than the hfc title wave ppv i watched last weekend and that was bad.

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  • GB says:

    I’m not a prude or anything but don’t you think this site would look a lot more professional if you didn’t have these personal blog-type posts with curse words and one-step-above-Sherdog-forum insults? Just a thought because I do think this site is great and Adam’s posts generally very good.

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  • Adam Morgan says:

    GB,

    It’s just raw humor. Nothing more, nothing less. Something fun. We’re not all business around here. Business casual, baby.

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  • That’s exactly what it is, pure humor. Fact is, I can’t believe you wasted time actually breaking down why you hated it, Adam. I actually enjoy watching the horrible camera work, laughable venue they picked, the 90 year old man sitting ring side looking like he’s trying to find his dentures on the floor, the unbelievably psychotic rage screams from Jorge Pereirra, and then I try to figure out what the whole issue is with it being horrible for MMA because it isn’t MMA?

    It’s a comedy, for one. And two, it’s no real Vale Tudo rules. They still stop the fights via a tap, they still stand the fighters up, they say that there are little rules, but in fact, full MMA rules almost seem to be in effect for the most part. No gloves and no time limit seem to be the only huge difference, that and they fight in a space the size of an outhouse it seems like.

    Here’s a grand tip, bet $20 on the horrible +1200 or +900 underdogs at BetCRIS. That’ll make it a bit more exciting.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • Sam Cupitt says:

    Ya get the facts then ya get the opinion based stuff. And theres nothing wrong with a bit of swearing, they is only words.

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  • Adam Morgan says:

    LR,

    I broke down why I hated it because I thought it would make for a funny post. Back to the control room!

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  • Adam,

    If you thought the latest production was funny, hit up the earlier events when there wasn’t a cage and people were punching through windows accidentally while trying to brutalize their opponents.

    A scene straight out of Pitfighter the video game.

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  • dizzle says:

    “They were worse than some Herb Dean Cro Cop/Gonzaga BS.”

    whats that supposed to mean Adam?

    I’m not a fan of this rio heros thiing…i see the advertisements all around the MMA community and i’ve watched a few fights. I just don’t believe in their so called “underground rules” no holds bars.

    They try and make it seem like these fighters are something special…but they’re not.

    You’d have a better time watching felony fights then this shit.

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  • Sam Cupitt says:

    You don’t remember when Herb Dean stood up Gonzaga and Cro Cop when Gonzaga was just pummelling Cro Cop, and just as Gonzaga lands this good elbow Herb lets em up.

    If it was Gonzaga that got ko’d with that head kick then that stand up would have been pretty damn controversial.

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  • [...] ideas but not enough pepper on his penis. But that has apparently changed because he just wrote a scathing review of the latest Rio Heroes show, and it’s got enough penis pepper to be worthy of [...]

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  • C_RUD says:

    I think the announcer was KC Armstrong, who used to be on the Howard Stern Show

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  • Accomando says:

    “…I actually enjoy watching the horrible camera work, laughable venue they picked, the 90 year old man sitting ring side looking like he’s trying to find his dentures on the floor, the unbelievably psychotic rage screams from Jorge Pereirra…”

    Sounds like an entertaining time.

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  • Adam Morgan says:

    You’re RIGHT! The announcer WAS KC Armstrong. He’s a complete fuck up and he’s one of their execs. Hilarious.

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  • Mr Pancrase says:

    I dont think it was KC, he said on Stern that he wouldn’t be their until the next show….

    I actually enjoyed it despite the fact it was only on one camera.

    What did them in this time was the 1.2 million viewers …. pretty insane. Thats what a Stern plug will do for ya.

    Lighten up Sam buddy.

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  • RioHeroes says:

    Adam,
    So sorry you were not a big fan of the event. If I told you I could try to set up an interview with the President of RioHeroes to clarify a few things would you be interested?

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