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Top 10 Reasons Rio Heroes 11 Sucked

I took the time to see what all the hype was about last night. Rio Heroes had been advertising the piss out of their Rio Heroes 11: Super Lightweight Championship event. Needless to say, if you watched it, the entire event was a bust. Let me make a disclaimer, however, that vale tudo and NHB fighting are really not my thing. I like the sport much more the way it is now than it was back then. Just lettin’ ya know.

Throughout the broadcast they kept mentioning that they read the blogs and forums and that we should take it easy on them because of all the difficulties. Sorry, Rio Heroes, taking it easy on idiots is not in my repertoire.

Here’s my Top 10 reasons that Rio Heroes Sucked:

10. When your site runs perfectly until the moment your event is supposed to air and then crashes completely when the event is supposed to start, it’s time to rethink your strategy.

9. The fights were supposed to start at 7. Then 8. Then…ASAP. What the fuck?

8. The announcer, who is clearly coked out of his mind, comes on to tell us that due to their servers crashing they can’t do a regular broadcast. But instead of canceling it altogether, they said we’ll do it anyways. With one microphone and one camera. Great. Just great.

7. The one camera? It’s stationary. There’s fuckers sitting right next to the cage and they won’t move so the cameraman can get around to catch the action. If I was the promoter of this thing, I would have had everyone who was all up on the cage moving their asses back so my one camera can get the action. Great work, Rio!

6. They advertise this crap as “real vale tudo” when in fact it’s not that at all. Well, okay it sort of is. No gloves. No time limits. No holds barred. But standups? Give me a break. And bad standups too. Not like they’re laying on each other for 20 minutes. They were worse than some Herb Dean Cro Cop/Gonzaga BS.

5. The ring girl looks like somebody’s sister. And not in a good way.

4.5. The after fight interview guy, after every interview, goes “Let’s take it back to the control room!” What control room? There’s a single camera and a single mic. This does not constitute a fucking control room.

4. The cokehead who is announcing this garbage continually reminds us that the broadcast will be better next time and that they will have “instant replay.” Yeah fuckin’ right. For me there won’t be a next time.

3. Can you please get a full cage? One wall, three cage sides, and some matting is pretty lame.

2. At one point it looked like the lights dimmed in the “venue,” a.k.a garage. Someone forget to pay the electric bill at Rio Heroes?

1. They constantly reminded us that “these fighters could be fighting anywhere.” Yeah. Anywhere in the street.