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Pros and Cons: UFC 86

CON: “My feed went out.” Go to any chatroom or message board and this will always come up. I don’t care, shut your mouth.

“What a great left hook”
“Man that landed hard”
“I wonder if he can take this round”
“n e 1 elses feed go out?”
“OMG wtf feed!?”

You should all be punched in the face. I’ll remember to cry for you when my satellite bill comes every month. I don’t even care if that’s what you do just be quiet about it. Instead the discussion becomes centralized around your stupid feed and the problems you’re having with it. All of the sudden the room changes from “UFC 82 discussion” to “Bobby’s feed is dead.” This is a leading reason why when I’m king I’m going to install a spring-loaded boxing glove into every computer monitor in the world. When you say something about your feed during a PPV and hit enter a large boxing glove will fly out of your monitor and punch you in the face. It will also happen when you type things like “n e 1″ and “u r” like you’re a twelve-year-old girl making a text message. It’s like someone complaining at your wedding about bad food or bad seating. This is costing me $40,000, I genuinely could not care less if you’re unhappy about something you selfish, piece of crap diva. Plus this would stop stupid people from getting near their computers. “No man, I’m not touching that thing. Last time I went online to my nose was broken.” GOOD. They’re called life lessons.

PRO: 10-8 rounds. I’m neutral on this. I’ve been calling for more 10-8 rounds forever, in a short three or five round fight a dominant round could mean everything. Yet some rounds are complete butt kickings and it’s 10-9 while other rounds are much closer and 10-8. Look, I think Rampage won but I’m not really mad about it. It’s hardly one of the top 20 worst decisions ever. But is there any clear ruling about 10-8 rounds? Any at all? Yeah, we know, Franklin/Loiseau and Quarry/Starnes had some 10-8 rounds but outside of someone getting completely obliterated what is the criteria they’re given? I just want clarification, something crazy I ask of everyone judging my sports that have no rules or governing body to lead or punish them with anything specific.

PRO: Rampage’s attitude. I don’t think enough credit was given to Rampage after the fight saying he got beat up. You have to realize how rare that is for a guy to be in a close fight and then just completely agree with the decision out loud. Sure after the fight both he and Juanito said they thought he won but it takes a certain kind of guy to train for months and have this rivalry and then go out after a close fight and say he lost. Props sir, props.

CON: Joe Rogan sometimes. I like Rogan. I like Goldberg. But has anyone else noticed that sometimes Rogan just randomly comments for one guy? Fighter A will land a hard right and there is silence and then Fighter B will land a mediocre left to the body and he’ll react like a brutal knockout just happened? It’s not just one occurrence, it will happen during entire fights sometimes. You’ll see a guy land a sick kick with maybe a passing, “nice kick there,” and then when the other guy hits a softer kick he screams, “NICE KICK!” Does anyone else feel like he’s watching something else? Like he’s looking at one guy and commenting on every single shot that one guy hits. This isn’t the first time nor will it be the last. Again, I like Rogan. I have purchased his stand-up comedy on DVD. But this gets really frustrating sometimes when it’s really obvious.

PRO: Cote getting a title shot. I know alot of people are saying after that boring fight with Almeida that Cote didn’t do enough to earn a shot against Anderson Silva. Bull. No, I’m not disagreeing with you, I just feel if you advertise something as a #1 contender fight the winner should get a title shot. You don’t get to play that card and then pull it back and shrug your shoulders. You sold the fight as a #1 contender fight now accept the consequences. I laughed out loud (“lol” for you youngsters) when I saw the first advertisement for this PPV and the second bout they hyped was Patrick Cote. Really? You have so many fighters you’re releasing guys but Patrick Cote is the 2nd main event on your card? Hell no, he’s getting a title shot. You can’t sell that as something more than it is and then just not follow through. Anderson Silva vs Patrick Cote. Don’t you dare do otherwise.

PRO: Melvin Guillard vs Jesse Taylor. Make it happen. I’m so glad Melvin is back as my comedy arsenal (or lack thereof) is doubled again. Can we find a catch weight for these fellas? Maybe the winner can get a tutor or a book or something. Maybe someone to just pat them on the head and tell them they’re pretty. Maybe that “Dog Whisperer” fellow Cesar Milan would be available. Forget the fight, what about a new edition of the tv show “The Odd Couple” where these two live together in a house and have to work a job tutoring children? Or getting tutored by children. You know you’d watch it.

PRO: Unified Rules of Ruining Undercards. We all know that recently the Association of Boxing Commissions went out of their way to try and overstep their bounds and make rules that no one cares about. Well as someone that also has no authority and that no one will listen to, I say we need rules for posting MMA event results on the internet. I’ve said before the biggest event so far in my life (Fedor vs Cro Cop) was ruined by Sherdog when I went to the site the day of the fight (my own fault) and saw a huge picture of Fedor with his arm raised. Okay, pictures are just unnecessary. There is no way of avoiding a picture even if you know what to expect. I say we can post live Japanese results as we please. It’s 4am, if you don’t care to know the live DREAM or Sengoku results why the hell are you on the site? You can post results once a card is over but not before unless it’s play-by-play with a link. Now when it comes to the UFC you know full well they frequently show undercard fights to fill time during the main card (time that’s not filled by the latest Jason Statham film or the newest horrible Spike show). Why on Earth would you post live results available without a click for the undercard? This is a unique situation, they might show the fights while I’m watching this card live I paid to view. What in your head would make you post the undercard results and ruin it for people? There are places to find live undercard results, we all know this, but why would you post them publicly where no one is expecting to see them without a click? Maybe I want to check out the weigh-in results from last night or read a fight preview. What I’m not expecting is to see the four undercard fights spoiled just before the PPV starts. This helps maybe 2 people and hurts maybe 74. Someone explain to me how this ratio is responsible.

PRO: Other sports. Let me just go ahead and PRO Federer vs Nadal as probably the greatest tennis match I’ve ever seen. A statement backed by 7-time singles champ John McEnroe immediately after the match. Also another PRO to Torres vs Holt in boxing on Saturday night. One of the best rounds you will ever see in your entire life and it’s unbelievable even seeing it a fourth or fifth time. Well done sports.

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