Pros and Cons: The Olympics

I know many of you are not fans of other sports so I was told to keep this more or less to combat sports such as wrestling, judo and taekwondo. Adam Morgan and I are massive Olympic fans and we watch every event we possibly can. I’ll throw in more but I’ll try to keep this mainly in that fighting form even though that’s still not MMA and people will still yell at me. I DVR’d like 20 hours of Olympics per day and saw everything outside of my fast forwarding of rowing, handball, equestrian and other nonsense.

CON: MMA in the Olympics. Who is dumb enough to think this is possible? Where do I start? Okay, so (a) you think it’s possible that Matt Hughes would fight Jake Shields, Georges St. Pierre and Karo Parisyan in one week? (b) Companies like the UFC would be okay with losing any big money MMA fights like Rampage vs. Liddell for some Olympic semi-final on NBC? This isn’t even mentioning the brutality of the sport and the injury risk. MMA in the Olympics would never work…. how about we work on BJJ in the Olympics? That is possible and worth fighting for…. MMA is not.

CON: That taekwondo guy that kicked the ref in the face. I don’t really need to comment, right? That’s bad, I think that’s universal. Pulling an Yvel in the Olympics is actually worse because it’s a worldwide stage. Get a hold of yourself.

PRO: Jim Lampley. He gave the best quote of the entire Olympics about the above event and it was fantastic. “The first rule of taekwondo: you can’t kick the referee in the head.” I’m not making that up, I saw it. If that’s the first rule, what is the second rule? Don’t kick him in the groin? Is that the fourth rule? Sixth? What about stabbing your opponent? Is the first rule of taekwondo really that you can’t kick the referee in the head, specifically? I’ve looked at 7 sets of taekwondo rules on Google and I’ve yet to see anything about it. I love you Jim Lampley and your ramblings.

CON: Jim Lampley. “Philosophically he was a psychology major.” You are the dumbest person in the world. Bob Costas was on 12 hours a day and I never saw him say anything half as bad as you said on a daily basis.

CON: The dumbest event of the games. This is always up for debate and it’s really hard to determine. Rowing is stupid and horrible to watch but I can atleast understand it’s difficult and people train for years to be great at it. This leaves me with two, trampoline and steeplechase. Trampoline is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen as there is actually an Olympic sport where people just do gymnastics on a trampoline. Why? BJJ can’t be an Olympic sport but jumping on a trampoline can? “STAY ON THE X AND DON’T GO OUTSIDE THE LINE!” Steeplechase made sense in 1341 but now it’s just track with hurdles and water puddles. I really don’t see the point at this year in time. Morgan and I agree it is trampoline…. ladies and gentlemen your official dumbest Olympic sport.

PRO: Henry Cejudo. One of, if not the best, story of the games. The 21-year-old became the youngest American gold medal winning wrestler in history. If you haven’t heard his story you should Google him. The son of illegal immigrants, he moved over 50 times as a child with all of his brothers and sisters. He grew up in South Central LA until the family was moved because his father was about to get out of prison. You know you lived a life when you could have a legitimate biography about yourself at the age when you can buy your first beer.

PRO: Ara Abrahamian dropping his medal. A Swedish wrestler just quit after feeling screwed by the terrible referees and just threw his medal to the ground and stormed off. Nice job by the IOC stripping him of the medal he didn’t want. “I QUIT!” “NO, YOU’RE FIRED!” Well played Olympics, you’re like a crappy CVS assistant manager.

PRO: Beach volleyball. Can you possibly watch this and not think it’s fun as hell? I want to go play beach volleyball right now. I can dig and spike, I’m ready to go. I’ll add another pro that Kerri Walsh’s ass is fantastic. Argue with me, I dare you. Seriously though, do three of you want to play with me? I don’t get out of my mom’s basement much.

CON: Standing 8s in boxing with no knockdowns. Guys get hit three times, with headgear on, and the ref hops in and gives a standing eight and basically ruins any rhythm. THEY’RE BOXERS, let them fight. If they were gymnasts boxing I could see the point. They’re not fifteen years old they’re adults fighting in the Olympics, we don’t need standing eight counts when you don’t fall down. I won’t even start with the terrible scoring system of amateur boxing.

CON: Women’s shotput. This is Gong Lijiao. OH DEAR GOD. This is a Chinese shot put superstar. People make jokes about softball players being lesbians but I don’t care what my daughter does so long as she doesn’t get involved in the world of women’s shot put.

PRO: Mongolia’s first gold. Tuvshee Naidan knocked out Mongolia’s first gold medal ever in the form of Judo and you can see how they celebrated right here. Note the use of the word “vodka” three times. “OMG WE WON A MEDAL LET’S GET CRAZY DRUNK ON VODKA!” Apparently there were fireworks and a guy saying, “I can’t help but jump up and down!” I have it on good authority this still won’t make Mongolia a top tourist destination.

CON: Why can I score as well as the judges? I don’t care if it’s diving, gymnastics, synchronized swimming or equestrian why is it when I go, “that’s about a 7.5″ that every single judge scores it about a 7.5? I have no idea what I’m doing, why am I scoring it the same way as you are every single time? And China might have won the most gold medals but over 50% of them were in judged events and not result events. Well done, home town advantage. That aside, I want to know why I can judge an 8.4 as well as an official judge. They’re over there looking at video and taking off tenths and I’m in my underwear on the couch. Something isn’t right.

CON: Olympic freakshow boxing. People rip Japan for wanting freakshow MMA fights but the same happened in the super-heavyweight boxing finals in Beijing. Italian Roberto Cammarelle defeated Chinese fighter Zhang Zhilei in a ridiculously entertaining fight. Cammarelle beat the ungodly crap out of Zhilei with perfect shots to the face over and over again. Zheilei is 6’7 and towering over him but was completely overmatched and got absolutely destroyed. The ref finally felt sorry for him and stopped the bout 19 seconds into the fourth round. It was pathetic but truly entertaining.

CON: Somjit Jongjohor over Andris Hernandez. After this boxing match the announcer said, “anytime you beat a Cuban” it’s a good fight. I assume he meant because Cubans are strong fighters and not because the announcer specifically likes watching Cubans get beat up.

PRO: Water polo is Hungary’s national sport. Now you know…. how stupid Hungary’s national sport is. Did they make that the national sport because they were good at it or are they good at it because it’s the national sport? Kudos to the American team for competing with Serbia, Hungary, Montenegro and the rest of the area that’s any good at water polo.

CON: Randoms…. (a) Volleyball receivers always win over the servers, (b) equestrian “individual dressage,” which is apparently the name of when people make horses prance around like dogs and hop back and forth, (c) you dedicated your life to table tennis, (d) 12-year-old Chinese gymnasts, (e) baseball’s mercy rule like it’s little league, (f) batons for Olympic track relays…. can’t they just tag each other or something, why do they have to hand off a stupid prop to one another? (g) Stupid swimming suits. How about they swim naked? I realize we can’t put that on TV but I’m tired of the newest suits winning all-time records. Just let them swim with everything flopping that flops or doesn’t. You know swimmers from decades ago curse every time their records are broken because of the newest speedo invention.

PRO: Randoms…. (a) My new respect for synchronized swimming, that crap looks hard, (b) Shawn Johnson’s little face, (c) in soccer celebrations they can all jump on each other and do ridiculous victory celebrations yet in the NFL they can’t even spike the ball. (d) Phelps and the awesome 4×100 relay, (e) no more baseball or softball. Our best players can’t play and neither can the world’s best when our season is going on so why have it be an Olympic sport? I don’t buy that “Olympics should be for amateurs” crap either. The Olympics are about the best athletes in the world, why would you have to be an amateur?

TOP PRO: People that do nothing else having jobs. We have a badminton expert, we have a rhythmic gymnastics expert and we have a weightlifting expert. They all have jobs for two weeks as they need someone to explain crap to us. Good for you, you’re making some money. When else can you hear, “oh man, I expect more from Gavrilov from Belgium!?”. What do you do for money the rest of your life? Thank God these people can make some scratch once every four years. I mean is there a badminton expert hired by ESPN7 or do they just sit around for 3 years and 50 weeks between Olympic games?

TOP CON: Lack of “cock.” Shuttlecock. As I watched badminton they kept calling the shuttlecock the “shuttle.” Where did the cock go? It was called a shuttlecock the last time I saw it and that’s what we called it when I was forced to play in high school gym class. You can’t just suddenly call it a “shuttle” because you feel like it. Did they seriously change it’s name just because people snickered when they said it? The only thing worse than the name is changing it because it sounds bad. Official announcement: on an airplane it’s no longer the cockpit, it’s just The Pit. We’ll also need to come up with a new term for tilting your head to the side and don’t get me started on the poor male chickens.

I can’t wait four more years for the next games. I say this because the Winter Olympics only count for Sweden and Norway.

30 COMMENTS
  • saerbarnet says:

    Oh come one.. saying winter Olympics doesn’t count cause your national hockey team sucks balls is just weak ;)

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • ACK! says:

    I’m surprised you didn’t mention the terrible scoring in Olympic boxing as a con… It actually killed all my enthusiasm for one of my favorite Olympic sports.

    Anyway, good article. It’s hard not to give the Olympics a little play, even on a strictly MMA site.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  • JollyDV says:

    I enjoyed that so much. Thank you for sharing. You said many things that I agree with, but with humor. Bravo!!

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • In a battle for supremacy between Gong Lijiao and US softball star Crystl Bustos, who wins?

    http://images.nbcsports.com/uploads/gallery_photo/image/6271/468long/Crystl_Bustos.jpg

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • CW says:

    >I won’t even start with the terrible scoring system of amateur boxing.

    I wish you would. Talk about disgusting.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • Derek B says:

    ut oh! Huck you really hurt my feelings this time with this qoute

    “This leaves me with two, trampoline and steeplechase. Trampoline is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen as there is actually an Olympic sport where people just do gymnastics on a trampoline.”

    come on man. believe it or not and as gay as this might sound. I did trampoline for 2 years when I was 14-15 years old. You wanna talk about a hard sport? This is as hard as it gets. Try to do trampoline for an hour straight without waking up the next morning with your whole entire body soar. Also, if you want abs get on the trampoline and if you want to build the core of your body get on the trampoline.

    Gymnastics is my favorite part of the olympics. Trampoline and floor being my favorite.

    I’d love to see BJJ in the olympics in the future.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

  • ak47 says:

    How is racewalking not the dumbest sport? It looks dumb, it sounds dumb, it is dumb.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • Sven says:

    Well. In normal circumstances I’m not even a little bit nationalistic. But now I have lived abroad for three years and have just cheered for Swedish medals during the last two weeks, so I should be allowed this one comment without losing too much karma.

    “How about they swim naked? I realize we can’t put that on TV”

    You could, in Sweden. That’s a serious (and incomprehensible) cultural flaw of the US (they share this sentiment with you here in Turkey). On the other hand you have MMA legalized, so we’re basically even.

    “A Swedish wrestler just quit after feeling screwed by the terrible referees”

    Also, he was right.

    “I can’t wait four more years for the next games. I say this because the Winter Olympics only count for Sweden and Norway.”

    Ok, now I’m hurt. They beauty of ice-hockey and cross country skiing. And curling! Yeah, curling is a TV-sport in some countries, even outside of the olympics.

    Ok, that was awkward.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • Point for ak47, I think I block race walking out of my mind. I only remember seeing it once this time around and on fast forward their awkward waddling looks even funnier.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • ihateemo says:

    I’d love to see that boxing match.

    Also, the comment about “beating up Cubans” was hilarious. Kudos!

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • rob says:

    ACK! – - right on brother! Scoring in the Olympics is a complete joke – Siming Zou (sp?) was given a gift Gold Medal – and against Paddy Barnes was given points when Barnes would hit him flush – you hit me and I get a point?? However, Lomchenko (sp?) was a breath of fresh air to see in there – - by the way – seeing the French guys dream completely broken against the Cuban (Diaz) for a holding call when Diaz held the entire fight is shameful – - thanks for letting me vent boxing issues on an MMA site – -

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • D says:

    nice post, Huck. Here are some of mine (mostly con because I’m a pessimistic bastard):

    PRO: The KICK from the taekwondo guy, that kicked the ref in the face, didn’t even phase the ref. Nice job dude, not only did you come off as a cheapshot a-hole, but you also couldn’t even pull off a proper cheapshot.

    CON: BJJ not being an Olympic sport. Mind-boggling as to why it isn’t. I’d include rugby & cricket in that statement, but I’m biased as a Brit.

    CON: Worst sport – Tie between race-walking (RUN already!) and ribbon dancing.

    CON: Beach Volleyball. Calm down, I like the beach and the volleyball, but I find the 2-on-2 setup stupid. I remember in college we would play with 5-7 on each side (just mucking about), but it was a lot more fun than just 2-on-2.

    CON: Olympic Boxing – WTF!? Worst scoring system ever.

    CON: Any technological advance that overshadows the athlete. Speedo suits, crazy-ass pistols/rifles, etc. Part of me thinks everyone should get the same equipment (even shoes) and then compete from there.

    PRO: The technological marvel that is the TV coverage. I work in TV and I know a few people that work in the Olympics. It is an impressive feat of talent, hard work and amazing coordination.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • Al says:

    I think it’s a silly idea too, but your first point is possibly moot. If MMA were to make it to the Olympics then only amateur fighters would probably be allowed to compete (as it is for all the combat sports in the Olympics I believe – but if it is only boxing, there’s no reason to think that it would deviate from that).

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 2

  • MMAStation says:

    I didnt get to watch any boxing really but i watched the gymnastics and water polo and thought it was awesome. I couldnt imagine wading and swimming back and forth that whole time with some giant ogre dudes yanking you down every 2 seconds.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • shoddycraftmanship says:

    Sorry, you’re wrong about the stupidest event. Speed Walking clearly takes the cake in that one. It’s running! Only you can’t go as fast and you lose if you have both feet off the ground at the same time. So you lose if you happen to trip. None of that recovering and continuing to run like in a 10k run.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • Chris Lyons says:

    I enjoyed watching the equestrian event. Those Horses are something else.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • KneeToTheFace says:

    I was told by a BJJ Black Belt in my area (I cannot confirm its validity) that submission wrestling/grappling has been added as an Olympic sport for the 2012 London Olympics. I was told this some time ago and looked it up then and found an official rulesheet for grappling but that’s it. And now I look around and can’t find much anyway.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • Darrin says:

    I would certainly be interested in the Olympics if it weren’t for the lack of cock.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • dedstrk says:

    All I can say is that most of what you said here, including being able to judge as good as a official judge, MMA in the olympics, and the trampoline event, were the exact things I were thinking while watching the olympics. I only disagree on the rowing because I like to watch it for some reason. I agree with the whole boxing ridiculousness too. Did you notice how many world records there were in swimming this year? Did you realize that the pool is 3′ deeper than normal pools? That may not seem like a big deal but the extra depth creates less turbulence on the surface which lets the swimmers go faster. Thus more world records.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • asmiley says:

    Kerri Walsh’s ass is Fantastic

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • Mathematic says:

    I can’t believe you dissed the steeplechase like that. Clearly, you never ran track or cross country. The steeplechase was always a highlight whenever it was held at a HS track meet. Why don’t you trash something truly stupid, like how swimming has four different strokes. Heck, at least the walk is contested at a distance (20K) where there isn’t a running event.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • No, I never ran cross country or track. I don’t run unless someone is chasing me and even then just before they catch me I fall down and let them trip over me. I don’t trust people that run 10 miles for no reason other than running. Cardio enhancement? Fair. Jogging on a team of joggers? Sketchy.

    And how is it stupid swimming has four different strokes? Those are the swimming strokes. If they added the doggy paddle you might have a point.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • I think steeplechase is like if they had a swimming event where you had to swim through underwater rings, grab a baton off the bottom of the pool and then go back and touch the wall. It might be fun but geez.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • Mike says:

    You jest, but the USAF no longer says “cockpit”, they call it the flight deck. One guess as to why.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • j. says:

    pro: the polish women’s volleyball team.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • jose santos says:

    huckaby you are the best…hilarious as always

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • flyingogoplata says:

    My thoughts:

    Worst event HAS to be rhythmic gymnastics. I mean not just ribbon tossing but hula-hooping too?

    Just think of steeplechase as long distance hurdles and it doesn’t seem so bad.

    In equestrian, do the horses get the medals?

    I would love to see Rugby is the Olympics but I wonder if the athletes could recover from such a brutal sport in time to play the number of matches required. They would have to start the Olympic Rugby tournament 2 months before the games and just have the semis and finals during the games.

    The winter Olympics is great even if just for watching the Skeleton event. I mean really, whoever thought that jumping on a sled headfirst going down a shoot of ice at 60 mph should be a sport needs to have his head checked.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • platypus says:

    thanks i really enjoyed that article. too many olympics but its better to have too much than too little.

    bjj in the olympics would not work, possibility of early stoppages and broken limbs and choked out shaolins. i dont think the judges would have any idea whats going on and we already have ADCC….

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • Skeet says:

    air pistols are the dummy sport not only of the Olympics but of mankind.
    every four years….stand still..pull trigger….stand still. they wear blue jeans and warm up jackets for god’s sake. it looks like the cast of grand theft auto lined up to shoot paper targets.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

  • DamonO says:

    cockeyed is now “eyed”. concoction is now “contion”. cock as in rooster is now just a slight breeze of wind from your lips. cock a poo is now “a poo”.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

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