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Pros and Cons: UFC 94 and UFC Fight Night 17

And after a full month of shows we finally have a week off. On a personal note I wanted to say there will not be a Duel this week as my computer came down with short bus syndrome and didn’t work for three days. Adam Swift and Dann Stupp will go at it next week. Speaking of the computer, for those keeping track at home, Gateway wanted $60 for thirty minutes of phone support to work me through the problem. No thank you. I feel computer support should be free. I spent a couple grand on the computer, I spend money every month for DSL and God knows I support the online pornography community in mass. I put in my money, help me fix my computer. Then again I’m just from the spoiled youth generation that believes everything should be free and on the internet. Including my computer that gets me there. Moving on….

CON: B.J. Penn’s goals. It has finally crossed a line where it went from PRO to CON. Everyone loves B.J. because we live in an age where every guy tries to cut thirty pounds so they can fight the smallest and weakest people possible. B.J. Penn is one of only a handful that isn’t happy until he attains something bigger and better. But enough is enough. I understand beating Sherk, Stevenson and Pulver might not be exciting for him…. but losing three fights to GSP and Matt Hughes isn’t exciting for us. B.J. needs to take this time and make a decision he will stick with. Stay at 155lbs and dominate for the foreseeable future until a major challenge comes along…. or fight at 170lbs and stick to undercards or leave the UFC. We all know he can compete with the top few guys at welterweight but fans don’t want to see an average Penn go 3-3 against Koscheck, Davis, Parisyan and others when he could be the most dominant champion in the organization at 155. He’s like the blind kid who has a dying wish to hunt. It’s sweet and all but no…. there are apparently some things you just can’t do. Please do the fans a favor and beat up Kenny Florian. We’d love to see fights like that but if you retire or leave you’re pretty much handing us Sean Sherk laying on Gray Maynard for 25 minutes for the foreseeable future. I love you, consider this an intervention.

PRO: Stockton in da house. Last week Forbes magazine released it’s annual list of America’s Most Miserable Cities and coming in at number one was…. *drumroll*…. Stockton, California. Understand how impressive this is…. Stockton has half the population of Milwaukee, Wisconsin and is only the 13rd largest city in California alone. Yet they managed to just edge out large cities such as Chicago, Memphis and Cleveland to capture the top spot of most miserable. This is a true underdog story and no doubt Nick and Nate Diaz are celebrating in the streets, urinating on sidewalks and Molotov cocktailing local businesses.

CON: Josh Neer. Minus the stupid Nick Diaz act with his arms in the air I’ve always been a fan. But I couldn’t help but make this comparison while watching his fight with Mac Danzig a second time. He’s like that opponent you have in a boxing video game early in your career that is 17-8 but you can barely beat. He’s a battle of attrition. You could be rolling your way up to 7-0 with 7 early KOs and there is the Josh Neer character who keeps jabbing you right in the face and annoying the hell out of you for 8 rounds.

CON: Guida’s entrance music. “My Hero” by Foo Fighters? Regardless of the intent or the fact it’s a good song that’s a bit arrogant to walk out to the ring to is it not? Adding to this I’m finally over the edge on the Guida bandwagon. Yes, he’s entertaining and he has a ridiculous gas tank but the fact is he’s one dimensional and all of his fights go pretty much the same way. That’s fine if he wants to throw around small lightweights but if he had to face Matt Hughes or Josh Koscheck he wouldn’t be so entertaining. He’s been around enough, I just wish he’d add a couple more facets to his game.

CON: Shovel thieves. I’m house sitting for someone and when I went over there to clear the snow I noticed someone had stolen their snow shovel off of the front porch. There were deep footprints in the snow walking straight up the middle of the yard to where it was at and back. Unfortunately the brilliant criminal walked along the sweeped street so the trail went dead at the sidewalk. Monk I am not. Actually that’s probably more Babysitters’ Club territory.

PRO: Kim looking good against Karo Parisyan. I just like to see the Asian fighters do well in the US, namely because they come over here without cutting weight while possessing no wrestling skill or cage technique. When a new Asian fighter debuts it seems to look like a kid getting thrown into the Colosseum against a lion. So when you factor in Kim more than holding his own with the fact Karo was apparently out of his mind on pain medication I say that’s a success.  He probably could have hit Karo with an actually stun gun and he wouldn’t have even flinched.

PRO: Rob Dyrdek at the show. Only because “Rob & Big” was awesome and the only show I haven’t outgrown on MTV. Is it odd I find that this means I’m mature yet at the same time I can’t watch because I want to punch everyone on that network in the face? You say double standard, I say sensible.

CON: American Psycho. Between Bonnar’s terrible performance against Jones and Christian Bale’s pathetic rant on the Terminator set I say they both lose all connection to that name. I am officially changing it to “Mexican Psycho” and awarding the nickname to Miguel Torres.

QUESTION: During the Anthony Johnson vs. Luigi Fioravanti fight you could see a moment after Luigi got hit where you could nearly read his mind. He was dazed from a punch and you could tell he was contemplating responding in one of two ways. (A) Act like it didn’t hurt and throw a couple of strikes back to keep your opponent at bay. (B) Back up a couple of steps and get your head straight but risk your opponent smelling blood and coming in for the kill. So what is the right answer?

PRO: While I’m on that fight props to Anthony Johnson. He’s working hard with some strong people for his talents and he’s very likable and well spoken. It’s nice to see a slugger who can string together some complete sentences. He just seems like someone you could take home to meet your mom. Sorry, took a weird turn there.

PRO: Rogan’s testicle comments. I didn’t fully hear it on first viewing but after a crotch shot in the opening Fight Night bout, Rogan asked why God would put the testicles right there in front for hitting. Why not at the sides? While Goldberg nervously laughed and tried to change the subject to avoid embarrassment I was actually thinking that was a great question. Is that meant to be our weakness like that Star Trek movie character that had them on his chin? Why aren’t they internal like the kidneys? Can the boys not swim that far? I think I missed the rest of the first round and I might need medication.

PRO: Tapout on the Tapout? Has anyone ever tapped out on the actual Tapout slogan in the cage? I just thought that could be a fun bonus to shoot for like everyone in the stadium getting a free taco if Albert Pujols smacks the Taco Bell sign in deep left-center field. I’m about entertainment and the fans here. If the UFC would like more ideas they can contact me. I work cheap, just ask Caplan.

CON: Change. President Obama promised change yet he comes out for his first speech on primetime television and interrupts our programming. The change I can believe in is your speech beginning at 7pm and upsetting all of the old people that are watching Wheel of Fortune. I don’t ask for much but Monday at 8pm…. House please. You may be against “torture” and “unnecessary wars” and “partisan politics” but sir you are deeply underestimating the American people if you don’t think making them miss House is even worse.

Seriously. And if you’re completely bored feel free to follow me on Twitter. I’m not really interesting but every few days I manage to surprise even myself.