A lot has been made recently of Tom Atencio of Affliction challenging Dana White to a fight. In a shocking twist of events, we have just learned that Nick Palmisciano of Ranger Up has challenged Tom Atencio to a fight.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com recently cofirmed the challenge through an exclusive interview conducted with none other than Palmisciano himself.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Why do you want to fight Atencio?
Nick: Well, I feel like this is the next logical progression in my fighting career. I currently have a professional record of 0-0, and I feel like a big win over Atencio would really send a signal to the major promotions that I am not just the owner of a t-shirt company, but actually a world class athlete.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Some would say this is just a media ploy to highlight your brand. What would you say to those people?
Nick: This has absolutely nothing to do with Ranger Up. That’s R-A-N-G-E-R-U-P dot com. This is purely about my career as a professional fighter, not about selling more t-shirts at RangerUp.com. It’s like when we hire hot girls to model our clothes at RangerUp.com—that’s not about selling t-shirts at RangerUp.com, either.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: This really comes as somewhat of a surprise to a lot of people. We didn’t even know you fought…or for that matter that you existed. How long have you been training?
Nick: What time is it?
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Fair enough. You seem to be a heavier guy. Atencio fights at 155. How do you see that playing out?
Nick: Well, I walk around at about 200 and he’s 155, so I figured a catch-weight of 195 seems reasonable.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Ummm…ok. What do you think your strengths are?
Nick: Well, I was a helluva break dancer until I tore my hamstring doing Thriller at a wedding. I can recite the entire opening cheer from the movie Bring it On. I’ve even won five karaoke competitions and I can’t sing at all. I also make t-shirts at RangerUp.com.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: No, I mean in the fight.
Nick: Oh that. I’m not sure. I think I am going to focus all my energy on the crane kick. If you cast your mind back, you’ll remember that Mr. Miagi said, “If do right, no can defense.” Also, our t-shirts have living people on them and his have skeletons – that has to be an edge.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: I don’t see how. Also, aren’t you forgetting Karate Kid Part II? Daniel-san tried the crane kick and it failed. So was Mr. Miagi wrong or did he do it imperfectly?
Nick: Dude, you just blew my freakin’ mind. I’d have to go with imperfectly. Miagi is never wrong.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: It’s what I do. Where do you see his strengths?
Nick: Well, he definitely has more tattoos. Tattoos are scary and they automatically make you tougher.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: That’s true. How do you plan to defend against these tattoos?
Nick: I’ve been talking it over with my potential corners in this potential fight, and they believe that I should get some tattoos ASAP to counteract the power of his tattoos. The problem is that I don’t like needles and I’ve heard that tattoos hurt too much, so we decided I’m getting fake tattoos.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Good compromise. What will your tattoos be of?
Nick: I will probably go with a big Ranger Up logo. It’s not that I want to whore my brand out to grow sales at any cost, even if it results in personal embarrassment, it’s just that the Ranger Up logo will make a really good tattoo. So, yeah, definitely the logo…or maybe a unicorn, because they have magical powers and they are totally bad ass…but the Unicorn would have a little speech bubble over its head and it’d be saying, “Ranger Up”.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: I’ve gotta tell you, I think this whole thing sounds ridiculous.
Nick: You mean because we’re both Italian? I know man – it’s tough to go after another Paisano, but you know, we’re professionals. It’s just the business.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: You are not a professional fighter. You are not in the business. This is just a marketing ploy and candidly, I’m aggravated that I am speaking with you. Who are you going to fight next? Scott Coker? Bjorn Rebney?
Nick: First of all, I am deeply offended by that accusation. RangerUp.com would never resort to that kind of thing. Ranger Up. Second, Scott Coker would kick my ass – he’s been in the fight biz since the Carter administration, and Rebney just looks scary. I’m not ready for that kind of heat.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com (bored): Who then? Who’s next if you beat Atencio?
Nick: Gina Carano.
FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Dude – she would kick your ass.
Nick (glint of happiness in his eye): Yes…Yes, she would.