twitter google

Nick Palmisciano calls out Tom Atencio; A FiveOuncesOfPain.com Exclusive Interview

A lot has been made recently of Tom Atencio of Affliction challenging Dana White to a fight. In a shocking twist of events, we have just learned that Nick Palmisciano of Ranger Up has challenged Tom Atencio to a fight.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com recently cofirmed the challenge through an exclusive interview conducted with none other than Palmisciano himself.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Why do you want to fight Atencio?

Nick: Well, I feel like this is the next logical progression in my fighting career. I currently have a professional record of 0-0, and I feel like a big win over Atencio would really send a signal to the major promotions that I am not just the owner of a t-shirt company, but actually a world class athlete.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Some would say this is just a media ploy to highlight your brand. What would you say to those people?

Nick: This has absolutely nothing to do with Ranger Up. That’s R-A-N-G-E-R-U-P dot com. This is purely about my career as a professional fighter, not about selling more t-shirts at RangerUp.com. It’s like when we hire hot girls to model our clothes at RangerUp.com—that’s not about selling t-shirts at RangerUp.com, either.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: This really comes as somewhat of a surprise to a lot of people. We didn’t even know you fought…or for that matter that you existed. How long have you been training?

Nick: What time is it?

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Fair enough. You seem to be a heavier guy. Atencio fights at 155. How do you see that playing out?

Nick: Well, I walk around at about 200 and he’s 155, so I figured a catch-weight of 195 seems reasonable.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Ummm…ok. What do you think your strengths are?

Nick: Well, I was a helluva break dancer until I tore my hamstring doing Thriller at a wedding. I can recite the entire opening cheer from the movie Bring it On. I’ve even won five karaoke competitions and I can’t sing at all. I also make t-shirts at RangerUp.com.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: No, I mean in the fight.

Nick: Oh that. I’m not sure. I think I am going to focus all my energy on the crane kick. If you cast your mind back, you’ll remember that Mr. Miagi said, “If do right, no can defense.” Also, our t-shirts have living people on them and his have skeletons – that has to be an edge.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: I don’t see how. Also, aren’t you forgetting Karate Kid Part II? Daniel-san tried the crane kick and it failed. So was Mr. Miagi wrong or did he do it imperfectly?

Nick: Dude, you just blew my freakin’ mind. I’d have to go with imperfectly. Miagi is never wrong.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: It’s what I do. Where do you see his strengths?

Nick: Well, he definitely has more tattoos. Tattoos are scary and they automatically make you tougher.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: That’s true. How do you plan to defend against these tattoos?

Nick: I’ve been talking it over with my potential corners in this potential fight, and they believe that I should get some tattoos ASAP to counteract the power of his tattoos. The problem is that I don’t like needles and I’ve heard that tattoos hurt too much, so we decided I’m getting fake tattoos.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Good compromise. What will your tattoos be of?

Nick: I will probably go with a big Ranger Up logo. It’s not that I want to whore my brand out to grow sales at any cost, even if it results in personal embarrassment, it’s just that the Ranger Up logo will make a really good tattoo. So, yeah, definitely the logo…or maybe a unicorn, because they have magical powers and they are totally bad ass…but the Unicorn would have a little speech bubble over its head and it’d be saying, “Ranger Up”.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: I’ve gotta tell you, I think this whole thing sounds ridiculous.

Nick: You mean because we’re both Italian? I know man – it’s tough to go after another Paisano, but you know, we’re professionals. It’s just the business.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: You are not a professional fighter. You are not in the business. This is just a marketing ploy and candidly, I’m aggravated that I am speaking with you. Who are you going to fight next? Scott Coker? Bjorn Rebney?

Nick: First of all, I am deeply offended by that accusation. RangerUp.com would never resort to that kind of thing. Ranger Up. Second, Scott Coker would kick my ass – he’s been in the fight biz since the Carter administration, and Rebney just looks scary. I’m not ready for that kind of heat.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com (bored): Who then? Who’s next if you beat Atencio?

Nick: Gina Carano.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Dude – she would kick your ass.

Nick (glint of happiness in his eye): Yes…Yes, she would.

8 COMMENTS
  • Angry Mike says:

    Well played, sirs. Wait, was that Rangerup.com he was repping?

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • Scott H. says:

    You guy’s have just made my day. Thank you, that was great!

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • JJ Docker says:

    Awesome interview. “but the Unicorn would have a little speech bubble over its head and it’d be saying, “Ranger Up”.. quality. What a coup for this guy and his t-shirt company.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • GetItOn says:

    Ok so I went to the website. You got me

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • SniperBrewHank says:

    Damn Nick you forgot to mention what kind of coffee you drink… I’m just saying. Let’s see what comes of it. I saw the original back and forth in the comments and had to laugh:

    1) We’ll pay for a Sniper’s Brew tattoo on your left butt cheek, I’m sure if you go in the ring it will be exposed

    2) Sniper’s Brew will cover your medical insurance*

    Semper Fi, Hank

    *that is the medical insurance against Gina Joy Carano, I don’t think you need any coverage against Atencio, I’ve got money on you

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • DecisionScientist says:

    What a fight of this magnitude needs is some in depth analysis.

    Size:
    -Even with a catch-weight implemented, Atencio doesn’t like to pack on pounds during bathing suit season, so Nick comes in favoring 50-lbs.
    Advantage: Ranger Up

    Experience:
    – Atencio is 1-0, and Nick is 0-0. So Nick has 100% fewer victories, or Atencio has infinite more experience, depending on how you do the arithmetic. And Atencio has about 72 years more life experience.
    Advantage: Affliction

    Cornermen:
    – Atencio should have plenty of models wearing expensive Affliction gear. Nick will have real men, trained to shoot guns.
    Advantage: Ranger Up

    X-Factor:
    – Nick has served his country in the armed forces. Atencio once served mocktails on Jabba the Hut’s desert yacht cruiser, and has the shriveled tan to prove it.
    Advantage: Ranger Up

    Summary:
    – After Atencio hurts Nick early with sharp criticisms of his terrible fashion sense, Nick rips the jewelry out of Atencio’s head and finishes him off with a 50-lb advantage of ground and pound. Ranger Up wins the war of self-promoting t-shirts guys, and the rest of us tune to SpikeTV to see if Dana is replaying a UFC fightcard for free…at least if you wear a RangerUp shirt at a UFC event you won’t get laughed at – you might even get a pat on the back for service to your country!

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • SniperBrewHank says:

    Doesn’t hurt to mention that when one of my three son’s wants a day off from school they have more than a few Ranger Up T’s to choose from …, I shoot Terrorists, Marine Corps Recruiting Berkeley, et. al. reminds me I’m over due for an order and I’ve got a nephew that needs a graduation present, should wear well on college campus, you think?

    Semper Fi, Hank

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • rhoadspga says:

    You know there’s a problem with an MMA writer when he can’t spell MIYAGI correctly. I mean, c’mon, he’s almost the father figure of modern-day MMA.

    Agree or Disagree: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

LEAVE A COMMENT!

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Follow 5OZ