Well I think I’ve finally learned my lesson. No more six-hour MMA marathon sessions right before bed. It always gives me the weirdest dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was putting together the strangest fight card of all time. I made sure to write everything down in my dream journal (natch) and I thought I’d share the fights I made with you. Of course, since all of these fights took place within the confines of my subconscious I’m not bound by those stupid laws of time and space.
Chuck Liddell vs. Don Flamenco – Just because I want to see Chuck knock somebody out again.
Anderson Silva vs. Dr. Octopus – Where’s your giant mechanical arms now, playboy?
Dan Henderson vs. Freddy Krueger – Who will land that killer right hand first?
Royce Gracie vs. Michael Jordan – Two sports’ greats collide, and if Gracie wins then Jordan has to shave that stupid little mustache off.
Frank Edgar vs. The Situation – The winner gets J-Woww; loser gets Snooki.
Chael Sonnen vs. Charlie Sheen – I don’t like Sheen’s chances of winning this fight, but really this one is all about seeing who can out-crazy the other in their pre-fight interviews.
Jose Aldo vs. a Velociraptor – One of them is going to have to wear a hat or something, because otherwise I won’t be able to tell them apart.
Matt Hughes vs. Frank Trigg – Yeah these guys have fought twice before but this time Trigg gets a samurai sword. He still loses via Rear Naked Choke.
Randy Couture vs. The Rock – They have so many things in common. Both are modern-day legends in their sport of choice. Both are beloved by millions around the world. Both have starred in crappy movies that rhyme with “Florpion Fling”.
Kimbo Slice vs. ZZ Top – Special attraction fight: Loser gets their beard shaved off by the winner.
Brock Lesnar & Shane Carwin vs. The Legion Of Doom – I’m not talking about Hawk and Animal; I’m referring to the Legion of Doom from the old Super Friends cartoon show. I’ll take Carwin over Solomon Grundy or Black Manta any day of the week.
Cris Cyborg vs. Sarah Palin – I just want Palin to be laid up in the hospital when the next presidential election rolls around.
Alistair Overeem vs. Mr. Ed – I’m sorry but if you don’t want to see Overeem fight a horse, you’re not a real fan.
Butterbean vs. Galactus – One of them eats planets, the other one’s a comic book character.
Arianny Celeste vs. Brittney Palmer- Of course this is when I would wake up! Damn you alarm clock! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Join in and list a few of your dream match-ups below in the “Comments” section!