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The Scorecard – UFC 135: Jones vs. Rampage

The Scorecard hits the highs and lows of the latest big event offering in MMA. Points are assigned completely at random but stay between ten and negative ten because I hate math.

UFC 135: Jones vs. Rampage is in the books. I’d like to thank God for today’s column and how great it is. Now, lets go to the scorecards:

*Was I the only person whose ears were blown out at the start of the Facebook prelims due to a loud, long beep? MINUS THREE.

*James Te-Huna using the uppercut to defend the takedowns. It’s really not used enough in MMA. PLUS SEVEN.

*Ricardo Romero not setting up his takedowns and offering nothing up on the feet. It’s 2011 son. Get with the program. MINUS FIVE.

*Romero moaning like he was in an adult film was not a good look. Especially since Tori Black wasn’t under him or anything. MINUS THREE.

*Cole Escovedo using “Won’t Back Down” by Eminem as his walk-out song. Anytime someone walks out to a Eminem song, I automatically become a fan of them. PLUS TWO.

*The Japanese guy in Takeya Mizugaki’s corner. I’m not sure if Keith Florian learned how to speak Japanese, but man that dude was loud. MINUS ONE.

*A nice try by Escovedo with the jumping triangle. It didn’t work, but I give him credit for going for it. PLUS THREE.

*Mizugaki’s striking, mainly the left hook to the body. He was swinging and connecting with almost everything he threw. PLUS SIX.

*Just let go of the plum clinch Escovedo. If you have the plum but you’re eating more strikes than you’re throwing, it’s probably not working out too well for you. MINUS FOUR.

*Eddie Yagin coming out with a Denver Broncos jersey. You’re in the Pepsi Center fool, bring out a Colorado Avalanche or Denver Nuggets jersey. The Broncos play at the Stadium Formerly Known as Mile High. MINUS ONE.

*Tim Tebow is more active on Sunday than Yagin was in his fight. MINUS TWO for Yagin. PLUS THREE for my joke.

*Junior Assuncao, emulating the stance of some of the best Brazilian fighters ever is cool if you’re actually doing something on your feet. MINUS ONE.

*Every new title fight seems to be, “The biggest fight in division history” to Mike Goldberg. You wanna know the biggest fight in light heavyweight history? Chuck Liddell vs. Tito Ortiz 2. That’s it. That’s the list. MINUS ONE.

*”The Promise” Ring. Every time Nick Ring fights, I’m docking the card points just for his nickname. MINUS ONE.

*Tim Boetsch finally has a new highlight to add to his reel. They always show his throw and finish from UFC 81, now he has the throw from the third round against Ring to put in video packages. PLUS EIGHT.

*I love it when Joe Rogan throws out random techniques. I’d never heard of “the baby arm” until Rogan mentioned it during Boetsch vs. Ring, but it sounds like a pretty sweet move. PLUS FOUR.

*Aaron Riley is a tough guy, but he’s becoming the Ultimate Fighter whipping boy. First Ross Pearson, now Tony Ferguson. MINUS TWO.

*Ferguson’s power is outstanding. He’s in a very tough weight class, but if his takedown defense is where it needs to be, he can stand with anyone. PLUS FIVE.

*Can we get Goldberg a book of adjectives to describe the ring girls? Chandella is lovely, Arianny is beautiful. Get a dictionary Goldie. MINUS FOUR.

*On the subject of ring girls, I’m docking UFC points until they hire a blonde ring girl. And I’m going to implore them to bring back Chrissy Blair, the guest ring girl from UFC 133. MINUS FOUR.

*YELL DANA AND JOE! YELL AT ME! PLUS FIVE.

*I guess they still don’t have any highlights of Ben Rothwell because he failed to make the “Into Pieces” intro. PLUS TWO.

*”He throws punches like he’s throwing a fastball.” That was a shout out to Samer Kadi from Rogan. PLUS THREE.

*Hey Takanori Gomi, it would have been nice if you showed up. MINUS THREE.

*Nate Diaz used his reach effectively and stayed out of a wild brawl with Gomi. Smart move. PLUS FIVE.

*I love how active Diaz is off his back. PLUS FIVE.

*Nate finished off Gomi quicker than his brother. PLUS THREE.

*Extra points for Diaz because he wished Jake Shields and his family well. PLUS TWO.

*I have to dock points for Diaz saying that his brother is the best fighter in the world though. MINUS ONE.

*I’m not even going to talk about Travis Browne vs. Rob Broughton. The fight was boring. MINUS FIVE

*And seriously, they put that fight on PPV over Mizugaki vs. Escovedo. Shame on you UFC. MINUS TWO.

*Mark Hunt coming out to “I Need A Doctor” by Eminem and Dr. Dre. Awesome. PLUS TWO.

*Ben Rothwell coming out to that song by Nickelback that WWE Raw uses as their theme. Lame. MINUS TWO.

*HUNT WENT FOR AN ARMBAR! PLUS TEN.

*Shame on that referee for standing up Hunt when he had side control. MINUS FOUR.

*Good on Rogan for calling that ref out for the stand up. PLUS SIX.

*The Rothwell vs. Hunt fight was terrible, but because Hunt won, I have to say it was a pretty great fight. PLUS FIVE.

*Extra points just for Rothwell losing. PLUS THREE.

*UFC should never put heavyweights on an event taking place in high altitude. MINUS TWO.

*And again, this fight was on the PPV card over Mizugaki vs. Escovedo. MINUS TWO.

*You would think Goldberg would know the show that Rob Dyrdek is on, but I guess not. MINUS ONE.

*I think there was only one mid-fight small corner promo for this Saturday’s UFC Live: Cruz vs. Johnson event. You would think UFC would promote the card a bit seeing as there’s a title fight and everything. MINUS THREE.

*COUNTRY BOY CAN SURVIVE! Still the best walk out music in MMA. PLUS TEN.

*Seeing Pat Miletich back in the corner of Matt Hughes was pretty awesome. PLUS FIVE.

*We’ll call it cage rust for Josh Koscheck, who got hit way more times than he should have been hit by Hughes and was way too tentative to start the fight. MINUS ONE.

*A shame Hughes couldn’t survive until the end of the round. He was doing fairly well but Koscheck just had too much power for him. EVEN.

*Who really though Hughes could stuff the takedown of Koscheck? Of course you didn’t. PLUS EIGHT.

*Koscheck’s killer instinct is really underrated. When he has a guy hurt, he finishes them. PLUS FIVE.

*I hope Hughes calls it a career but wasn’t shocked that he didn’t make the decision in the cage right after the fight. EVEN.

*Any time they show Liddell on PPV, you know I’m giving them points. PLUS THREE.

*Goldberg tried to plug Gears of War 3, but Gears or War 3 plugs itself. PLUS TWO.

*Goldberg and Rogan were verbally blowing Liddell during Quinton Jackson’s walk out. I was fine with this. PLUS FOUR.

*Of course Rogan had to ruin that by giving a shout out like he was calling into Shade45 or something. MINUS TWO.

*Jon Jones might have the worst walk-out mash up of all-time. Ok, that honor still belongs to Lyoto Machida, but Jones’ 50 Cent to P. Diddy song is pretty bad. MINUS TWO.

*So Jones would look Quinton in the eyes during the weigh-in staredown but not during the fight staredown? Make up your mind. MINUS ONE.

*It took someone five years, but Jones finally took the advice Rich Franklin gave to Matt Serra on The Ultimate Fighter 4 and started the fight from his knees. More or less. PLUS FOUR.

*I absolutely hate the front kick to the knee. It’s going to hyperextend someone’s knee sooner or later and then it’ll be banned. Just go ahead and ban it now. MINUS SEVEN.

*I’m sure Jackson was in great shape. He didn’t seem all that gassed out despite taking a beating. But being in great shape and actually bringing something new to the table are two different things. Jackson can be ready to fight for 100 rounds, but if he’s not going to change things up in the slightest, it doesn’t really matter. MINUS FIVE.

*And seriously, after what Forrest Griffin did to you, you still aren’t checking kicks? MINUS THREE.

*Pretty lame move by Jones to dump Jackson off of him after the bell. MINUS THREE.

*Jones is starting to use his reach with his legs. When this kid develops a jab, he’s going to be even tougher to beat. PLUS FOUR.

*Jones wanted to show off his power in this fight. So he submitted Jackson. MINUS TWO.

*To Jones’ credit though, his submission game improves in every fight. He not only threatened with the guillotine a number of times to stifle Jackson, he became the first man to submit Jackson since Kazushi Sakuraba over ten years ago. PLUS SIX.

*More points just because of how dominant Jones was. PLUS SIX.

*Classy post-fight speech from Jackson. No excuses, put Jones over huge. For the all crap Jackson gets for his pre-fight banter, he’s always humble in his post-fight interviews. PLUS FIVE.

*Really Jon, Rashad Evans ruined your moment again? You know what ruined your moment? You even bringing that up. And lets be honest, it was UFC’s call to allow Evans into the cage. So blame them, not Rashad, for ruining your moment. MINUS FIVE.

*Extra points based on my enjoyment of the event. PLUS FIVE.

Final Score: 68
PHOTO CREDIT – UFC